Wednesday, December 01, 2010

The best comedy isn't always on comedy sites

Commonly visited sites such as ebay and Amazon do occasionally throw up some wonderfully unexpected and often hidden humour. You'll remember, at the end of October, the brilliant discussion about trains that followed a Daisy Hicks video on YouTube. And a year ago there was a wonderful e-bay auction of a pair of knickers and an open condom packet. Sadly, I can't show you the page as it's now been taken down but it was hilariously bitter and twisted and detailed all of the reasons a cheated wife had now to ditch her two-timing husband. FLICKR photo groups can also be wonderfully clever. Dave Gorman's I see faces is a good case in point. And, having fun with the recent snow, there's the hilarious Hoth on Earth photopool.

But the best I've seen in ages is this otherwise ordinary Amazon page selling AudioQuest K2 terminated speaker cables. The page has now attracted 70+ comments and they're hilarious. Here's a sample:

Comment by Whisper (CA USA)

'We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives.

PLEASE! You must listen! We cannot maintain the link for long... I will type as fast as I can.

DO NOT USE THE CABLES!

We were fools, fools to develop such a thing! Sound was never meant to be this clear, this pure, this... accurate. For a few short days, we marveled. Then the... whispers... began.

Were they Aramaic? Hyperborean? Some even more ancient tongue, first spoken by elder races under the red light of dying suns far from here? We do not know, but somehow, slowly... we began to UNDERSTAND.

No, no, please! I don't want to remember! YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME REMEMBER! I saw brave men claw their own eyes out... oh, god, the screaming... the mobs of feral children feasting on corpses, the shadows MOVING, the fires burning in the air! The CHANTING!

WHY CAN'T I FORGET THE WORDS???

We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives.

Do not use the cables!'


Comment by Valannin "Pantheon Outcast" (NY)


'If there is one cable I would whole-heartedly trust to my Chimera-hunting needs, this would be the cable. No other cable has the tensile strength to properly and efficiently garrote a lycanthrope, asphyxiate an Esquilax or even gag a mermaid. Last week, using my trusty AudioQuest K2 (retrofitted with lead weights, bright orange latex paint and a generous coating of crushed glass stolen from the window of an abandoned church at midnight), I managed to snuff 3 golden unicorns in swift succession!

Pros:
Quickly tears through scales, fur, bone, and adamantium with ease
Coils and uncoils from hip holster (optional) quickly and quietly
For a product fabricated from 1,000 Onyx Dragon fetuses, the price is unbelievably reasonable!

Cons:
Shipping from the R'lyeh took far too long
Doesn't come in 10' lengths (which would be perfect for hydra, cerberii and other multi-headed creatures)
After every use, I can feel 6 ounces of my soul slipping from my core into the ether. But this may be due to the fact that I prefer to work without gloves. YMMV.

Overall, I would recommend that any hunter buy one, nay, two, of these immediately, and experience the difference that upgrading to the K2 will make in your next quest!'

The cables, incidentally, apparently retail at $6,800. For that price you'd expect to be able to gag a mermaid.

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