My spam box (NOT some ghastly euphemism) gets clogged daily with rubbish from 192 Scammers asking me to help them dispose of their millions, adverts for cut-price 'meds' and 'pilules' (sic) that could be viagra, vaigra or vigara, and any number of emails about the size of my penis. They are usually 'from' someone with a highly unlikely name like Rumpty Bargehead, Bondy Lung-Lun or Ilona Treff and open with a statement like:
- Keep her satisfied all night with your girth ...
- Say no to being weak and dow (sic), keep it up all night long!
- Your PENIS will make more shadow than a tree.
Well, I still have to clean out my spambox (still NOT a ghastly euphemism) every day and the titles of the messages are getting ever more bizarre. Here are some that I've collected just this week:
- Update your penis.
- Be sexual giant all night long.
- Your huge package is set to get larger today.
- World domination is now possible.
- Order entire ships for $2.95.
And this extraordinary sales pitch (from someone called Far Otto) of:
- You look really stupid Steve Colgan.
Sorry, Far Otto, but telling me I look really stupid is unlikely to make me visit your site. And your mother is a fat cow.
As for the others, well, I don't need to update my penis; I'm happy with the current make, model and spec and will carry on using it until it packs up on me. Being a sexual giant is liable to be problematic unless I can find an equally sexual giantess and if my package is really so huge, making it larger would just be showing off. And would also involve me finding a sexual giantess.
But I had no idea that I could conquer the known world simply by having slightly bigger genitals. Or, indeed, that I could order a Navy to help me for just a few dollars per ship.
It makes me wonder why more people don't do it.