Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Saucer of milk, GM Chairman's table ..

I have no idea how real this is and make no apologies if it's completely fake. It just made me laugh when it arrived in my inbox today. As someone who uses both Microsoft and Macintosh, I can relate to this so well ...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, 'If General Motors had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash ... twice a day.

  2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

  3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway/motorway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

  4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

  5. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

  6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

  7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

  8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in ... until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna/aerial.

  9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again ... because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

  10. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.


The Factory said...

Microsoft are evil. Macintosh are good. And yet I use the former. What a giant pulsating tit I am.

Stevyn Colgan said...

A giant pulsating tit, eh? We just get Blue Tits and Great Tits in the garden round here. Must be the Spanish weather.

I regularly swap between a MacBook and a Dell PC laptop running Windows XP (I rebuilt it after getting so fed up with rubbish, useless, complex, wanky Vista).

But when the Dell dies I will terminate my liaison with Mr Gates for good. My Mac is a BMW when compared to my Skoda-like PC. And the difference in quality and speed between Firefox and Internet Explorer just doesn't merit discussion.

The Factory said...

I fantasise about having one of those desktop works of art that Apple make, and somehow feel that I would write better stuff on one. I'll treat myself one of these days, although I've been saying that for at least 10 years.

Tits are always better when they pulsate, giant ones or not.

Stevyn Colgan said...

On the subject of tits - point taken.

As for the Apple, I needed a new laptop to carry around with me and went shopping. The MacBook only cost me about £90 more than a similar spec PC so I reckoned it was worth the extra. And I was right. Next book advance (or some decent post-October sales) and I'm getting me an i-Mac.

I take the same view as Stephen Fry and the late Douglas Adams. We choose our furniture, our TVs, our cars, even our kettles and kitchen knives based on a combination of function and aesthetics. So why do computers have to look so fecking ugly? The i-Mac is beautiful compared to the average home PC tower. Dell, HP and all the others could do with taking a lesson out of Steve Jobs' book.

The Factory said...

I think Fry and Adams had the first two Macs in the country, obviously men of taste. I'll expect another view of the office when the i-Mac is installed.

Stevyn Colgan said...

Indeed they did. And I'm rather proud to be able to say that I did once discuss the whole Mac/PC debate with Douglas. I got invited to a lecture that he did at MOMI in London in the early 1990s, around the time that he was beta-testing his 'Starship Titanic' game. He was so enthusiastic about the technology - he'd be loving the stuff we have now. Stephen Fry may have had the first UK i-Phone but if Douglas had still been with us, there would have been a fight for it - a clash of the Titans (quite literally as both were over 6'5").

To my shame, I did moan at him that he'd gone a bit geeky with the computer talk in 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency'. He replied that yes, he'd been completed seduced by it all, even to the extent of using early Mac DTP software to pageset his own book ... but he also reckoned that we'd all be talking the same way in a few years.

He was right, wasn't he?

Blog Princess G said...

My next computer is a Mac... I think.

I miss the great tits in the UK - here we have black-capped chickadees which are somewhat similar... I think.